Shin Guards? - Deep Impact 1-4 (1-2)
0-1 Brian Virgin (Chris Allen)
0-2 Jak Ashuraliev
1-2
1-3 Brian Virgin (Chris Allen)
1-4 Blake Ambrose (Jak Ashuraliev)
Midfielder Brian Virgin bagged two goals to steer Deep Impact three points clear of second-placed Summit FC after an impressive 4-1 scoreline in Bellevue.
Virgin, not, seized the opportunity to score two crucial goals for both himself and the club as the pursuit for silverware continues. It has been said that his goals were inspired by a Glee-marathon featuring songs by Britney Spears and one about finding Jesus which was kinda crappy. The Vancouver, WA native will unfortunately miss out on next weekend's home game after being selected to perform a handy job assignment in Hannah Montana. Impact were without a whopping six players due to late family brunches and October fest, not including the heavily drugged Ambrose who is now four wisdom teeth poorer, the ill-stricken James "Maison" Choi, and dead leg Totev who all started on the bench.
Shin Guards?, whose team name is to be mentioned for the last time in this report since it's awkward enough putting a question mark in the middle of a sentence, never really threatened to cause an upset as they came out surprisingly weak in this top of the table clash. Former Work Doer and top scorer Donald's Ball was nowhere to be seen for the home side. It came as no shock when Impact took the lead through the aforementioned Brian Virgin. Assisted by striker Chris Allen, he gently mimicked a typical Stephen Ireland-finish with the inside of his right foot that sailed into the far left corner. If you ever ask Brian who Stephen Ireland is he'll have no clue what you're talking about, so the imitation itself was impressive enough.
International superstar Jak Ashuraliev would increase the lead minutes later. Jak, who will be handing out autographed soccer balls to homeless children at the Bobby Morris Playfield this upcoming Friday, shone in the central midfield role and got some nice touches in whenever a nice touch was possible. Following a total mishit by defensive midfielder Lubov, or a "sniper-attack" as some would try to disguise it as, Jak picked up the loose ball and fired a rocket from about 25 meters out, leaving the goalkeeper completely helpless in his stride. One could even hear quiet chants of "Tashkent, Tashkent, Tashkent" from an isolated section of the crowd. As in every other game so far this season Impact would concede a silly goal after being in complete control, this time from a corner where the forward was left totally unmarked for an easy header. A 2-1 lead at half-time but no real cause for concern.
The second half didn't exactly offer any reason to pull out the leftover fireworks from July but a clean sheet and two more balls in the bag secured a fifth win of the season. Brian's second goal was similar to his first, only this time the effort came with his left foot. The dazed and confused Ambrose put the game well out of reach with a Fernando Torres-like move to beat the defender before side-footing it low into the corner. Another wonderful highlight of the game was Hieu's mile-long run up the field in the first half, it was one of those rare beauties that should've been captured on camera and sealed in a vault. Totev tried to add a fifth with a Gourcuff-esque free kick he has been practicing on for weeks and was only inches wide of the upper corner, stirring up an excited yet disappointed outburst from Ryan's dad. A thoroughly deserved win for Impact, and a statement from former Seattle Central SC coach Mike "Hobo Gloves" Henderson suggested that he was never in doubt as to where the three points would end up.
In this week's breaking news, player manager Totev would like to express his gratitude toward Impact's defensive backline for sticking it to the man. Harsh words have been exchanged in the past but are now long forgotten as they managed their second clean sheet in the final 45 minutes of a match. Camden, Duong, Sas and Dunigan will now eagerly await a free Gary Lineker practice DVD, a basket of fun-sized bananas, as well as a $3 Uwajimaya gift card to arrive in their respective mailboxes.
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