Deep Impact - Smells Like Low Tide

GSSL Division 3B October 17, 2010 9:30am Summit Playfields #2

Deep Impact - Smells Like Low Tide 6-0 (2-0)
1-0 Marty Klingebiel (Matt Choi)
2-0 Jak Ashuraliev (Kris Totev)
3-0 Marty Klingebiel (Jak Ashuraliev)
4-0 Jason Hawkes
5-0 Kris Totev
6-0 Blake Ambrose (pk)

Johnny Dominick got his first clean sheet of the season as Deep Impact cemented their place in pole position with an astounding 6-0 demolition in Lake City.

Impact were once again without six players and it makes you wonder what a great idea it was to include 20 players in the squad. Whoever made that decision must be a smart guy or something. Marty Klingebiel was back in contention after a thirst-quenching weekend in Pullman and made the starting lineup. A request to re-open the X-Files was denied as the whereabouts of two missing Impact players is still unknown to this day.

Manager Totev kept faith in the same back four from last weekend's win and they followed up with another great performance. Ryan Camden swept up everything in the back, complimented by Matt Sas who dominated both on the ground and up in the air with George Clooney. The two teams seemed evenly matched in the opening ten minutes or so before Marty, who thought it was a good idea to wear moccasins on a wet surface instead of cleats, came through with a cool finish often witnessed during his career at WSU Men's Soccer Club. The goal was set up beautifully by Matthew Choi, who spends his weekends enjoying White Russians and pop-a-shot basketball.

It took awhile for Impact to get a crucial second goal as Smells Like A (insert non-racist comment here) Person On A Bus kept pressing and ran all day like crazies attacked by a rabid dog. A headed clearance from their defense found its way to Totev who in turn spotted an unmarked Jak outside the box. The Uzbek man blasted home another magnificent long-range goal and has really become a strong addition to the team since joining this Fall. The fan base in his home country has been said to have doubled from three to six people because of his performances of late. A comfortable two-goal lead at the break but everyone sensed there was more to come from the home side.

After the restart, Impact's fluent play continued with several players glowing like a young girl getting her make-up done at Sephora. Marty got his second of the match from a wonderfully bent corner-kick by Jak, which he celebrated by gesturing how accurate the corner should be described in this report. Right winger Jason Hawkes, back from three weeks of wedding crashing, got his first goal in two years when his deflected shot crept into the corner. Kris Totev added more misery by emulating a Yoann Gourcuff free-kick that took a wicked deflection off the head of a defender in the wall. The midfielder was then fouled inside the area and handed the penalty-kick duty to Blake Ambrose, who confidently stepped up and made it six in the same hole. Worth mentioning were the two appeals for obvious penalty-kicks not awarded to Impact, and the dozen missed chances could have easily seen them double the scoreline. By far the best team performance of the year and will surely send shivers down the spine of any team facing them in the weeks to come.

For lack of more important news, the two missing Impact players were finally located and will hopefully recover in time for next weekend's game. For obvious reasons they had reaped the benefits of a two-month vacation in Chile.